Free Ride

A police car pulls up in front of grandma Cohen's house, and grandpa gets out.

The polite policeman explained, "I came upon this elderly gentleman who said that he was lost in the park and couldn't find his way home. He did, however, know the address, and so here we are. Do you know this gentleman?"

"Of course, officer! It's my Morris!", said grandma Cohen. Turning to grandpa, she said, "Morris ! You've been going to that park for over 30 years! How could you possibly get lost?"

Leaning close, so that the policeman couldn't hear, grandpa whispered, "Shhhh I wasn't lost... I was just too tired to walk home."

Amazing Court Case

A young woman who was several months pregnant was sitting in a bus.

When she noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition.

She changed her seat and he seemed more amused.

She moved again and then on seeing him laughing more. She filed a court case on him.

In the court the man's deference was:-

When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was

pregnant.

She sat under an advertisement, which read 

"Coming Soon- The unknown boon"..

I was even more amused when she then sat under a shaving advertisement, which read:-

 "William's stick did the trick"..

Then I could not control myself any longer, when on the third move she sat under an advertisement, which read:-

"Dun lop Rubber would have prevented this 

accident"..

The case was dismissed. The judge fell off his chair laughing.  

Suggestion Pleaseee !!! LOL

School teacher sent home a note..:..
.
Your son is an obedient & bright student but spends too much time
 with girls. 
.
.
Mother sent a note back:
.
.
Please advise a solution!

Father has the same problem. 

Good to be American

Top Eleven reasosn why it's great to be American

1.You can have a woman president without electing her

2.You can spell colour wrong and get away with it

3.You can call Budweiser beer

4.You can be a crook and still be president

5.If you've got enough money you can get elected to do anything

6.If you can breathe you can get a gun

7.You can invent a new public holiday every year

8.You can play golf in the most hideous clothes ever made and nobody seems to care.

9.You get to call everyone you've never met "buddy"

10.You can think you're the greatest nation on earth.

11.You can get a pizza within minutes of ordering.

Experiment on a Dog

Some scientists decided to do the following experiments on a dog.

For the first experiment, they cut one of the dog's legs off, then they told the dog to walk. The dog got up and walked, so they they learned that a dog could walk with just three legs.

For the second experiment, they cut off a second leg from the dog, then they told the dog once more to walk. The dog was still able to walk with only two legs.

For the third experiment, they cut off yet another leg from the dog and once more they told the dog to walk. However, the dog wasn't able to walk with only one leg.

As a result of these three experiments, the scientists wrote in their final report that the dog had lost it's hearing after having three legs cut off.

Women are Always Right!

Four members of the clergy had a theological argument, with the three male ministers siding against the female minister.

The woman prayed, "Lord, I know I'm right. Please send us a divine sign to prove it."

A big storm cloud materialized, and there was a clap of thunder, "See," said the woman. "It's a sign from above."

The three clergymen disagreed, saying thunder is a common phenomenon.

"Dear Lord," the woman prayed, "I need a bigger sign."

This time a bolt of lightning slammed into a tree.

"See! I told you I was right," the woman said.

But the men insisted nothing had happened that couldn't be explained by natural causes.

"Help me, Lord," the woman implored.

And a deep voice came from the heavens: "SSSHHHEEE'S RRRIIIGGGHHHTTT!!!"

The woman turned to the three clergymen and asked, "Well?"

"So, okay," they said. "Now it's three against two."

Oh My God!!!

Co-pilot was welcoming the passengers on the plane shortly after take off.

"Thank you for flying with us this morning. The weather is....."

When suddenly he starts screaming while he is still on the loud speakers.

"Oh my God! OMG!!! OMG!!! This is going to hurt....Its burning"

A ghostly silence reigned, he gets back on the microphone talking to the passengers.

"I sincerely apologise for the incident but the air hostess just dropped a very hot cup of coffee on my lap... you should see my pants from the front"

A passenger replies, "Why don't you come here and see our PANTS FROM BEHIND!"

Bean Soup!!!

When the waitress in a New York City restaurant brought him the soup du jour, the Englishman was a bit dismayed.

"Good heavens," he said, "what is this?"

"Why, it's bean soup," she replied.

"I don't care where it's been," he replied. "What is it now?"

George and the Dragon!!!

An 18th-century vagabond in England, exhausted and famished, came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading: "George and the Dragon."

He knocked. The Innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window.

"Could ye spare some victuals?" He asked.

The woman glanced at his shabby, dirty clothes. "No!" she shouted.

"Could I have a pint of ale?"

"No!" she shouted.

"Could I at least sleep in your stable?"

"No!" she shouted again.

The vagabond said, "Might I please...?"

"What now?" the woman screeched, not allowing him to finish.

"D'ye suppose," he asked, "that I might have a word with George?"

Devil Shopping!

The poor country pastor was livid when he confronted his wife with the receipt for a $250 dress she had bought. "How could you do this!" he exclaimed.

"I don't know," she wailed, "I was standing in the store looking at the dress. Then I found myself trying it on. It was like the Devil was whispering to me, 'Gee, you look great in that dress. You should buy it.'"

"Well," the pastor persisted, "You know how to deal with him! Just tell him, "Get behind me, Satan!"

"I did," replied his wife, "but then he said "It looks great from back here, too!"

Job Application

An applicant was filling out a job application.

When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?"

He wrote, "No."

The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question, was: "Why?"

The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."