Girls Vs Boys

Define Girls!!

The one who before going out for a party have - 

facial, bleach, waxing, haircutting/straighting, threading, toning, scrubing, moisturing etc 

&

put on

lipstick, lipgloss, lipliner, perfume, body toner, body lotion, eye liner, eye shadow, eye maskara, foundation, face powder, rings, bracelet, neckless, nail paint, party dress, Sandle,

Purse and says: "yaar jalde ki bajah se kuch kar nahe payi".

Define boy!!

The one who before going to party calls his friend & ask :

“bhai, tu naha k aayega kya?”

Friend reply: chal be tere bap ki baraat hai kya..

I Love you!

Aurton ke Ek Group se poocha gaya ki kon kon apne SHOHRON se pyar karti hain?

Sab Ne Hath khare kardiye...

In sab ko ek-ek msg dia giya k apne apne SHOHRON ko send karen...

"I LOVE YOU "

To Inke shohron ke jawab kuch youn aaye...

1: Tumhari tabiyat theek hai na? 

2: Ab kya ho gaya ? phir se car maar di.

3: Excuse me!

4: Sirf itna batao ki kitne paise chahiye?

5: Nasha to nahi kar lia?

6: Ab kya kardia tumne? main is baar maaf nahi karoonga.
Aur Sab Se acha jawab ye tha.
.
..
...
7: Kaun hain aap?

Malik Aur Murghiyan

'Agar tum sab ne 2-2 ande nahi diye to tum sub ko kaat dunga...'

Agli subah sab ne 2-2 ande diye, magar 1 ne 1 anda diya...

Malik: Tum ne 1 anda kyun diya.

Usne kaha,"abe kaminey..... woh toh katne ke darr se de diya...... warna main toh Murga hun !!

How to Stop Telemarketing Calls...

I called at Vodafone Customer Care, a girl picked up the phone.

Girl: Vodafone care mein aapka swaagat hai.

Me: Thank you.

Girl: Mein aapki kya sahaayta kar sakti hun??

Me: Kya aap shaadi karna chahti hain mujhse??

Girl: Jee aapne galat number laga diya hai.

Me: Nahin nahin, maine sahi number lagaya hai, aap shaadi karengi?

Girl: Jee mein shaadi main interested nahin hun.

Me: Arre madam sun toh lijiye ek baar.

Girl: Not interested.

Me: Love marriage karengi toh honeymoon Switzerland mein, arrange marriage karengi toh Paris mein.

Girl: Jee mein aapse shaadi karna hee nahinchahti toh aap offer kyun de rahe hain??

Me: Court marriage ka expense 10,000 Rs, normal wedding ka expense 2,00,000 Rs.

Girl: Aapko samajh nahin aata ki mujhe shaadi nahin karni phir bhi aap samajhte nahin.

Me: Ab pata chala madam aapko humara dard, jab hume aapke offers mein interest nahin hota phir bhi aap humaari naak mein ungli karne baar baar call karti rehti hain.

Girl shocked, I rocked....

Pathan vs. Bainya!

EK Pathan ek Baniye ki shaadi mein gaya.

Shaadi waale ghar mein 2 darwaze the, 1 pe Rishtedaar, dusre pe Dost likha tha.

Pathan, Dost wale darwaze se enter ho gaya.

Aage phir 2 darwaze the, 1 pe Ladies, dusre pe Gents likha tha.

Pathan, Gents wale darwaze se enter hua.

Wahan 2 aur darwaze the, 1 pe Gift dene wala dusre pe Bina giftwala likha tha.

Pathan bina giftwaale darwaze mein enter ho gaya!

Jab dekha to Pathan, bahar gali me khada tha!

Aur wahan likha tha: 'Sharm to nhi aa rahi hogi!!! Baniye ki shaadi aur free mein roti khayega ? JA JA hawa khhaa..!!!

Movie Names

If movies were made by drinkers, then the titles would be....

Soda Akbar
Rab Ne Pila di Thodi
Rum De Basanti
Hum Tight Ho Chuke Sanam
Beer Zara
Bevde Zameen Par
Ek Tha Bagpiper
Talli six
Rum Maro Rum 
Maine Drink Tujko Diya
Bewdy Rathore
Hickk Hick Hota Hai
DaaruDas
Hum Tunn
Maine Neat Kyu Piya
Peg Piya Toh Darna Kya
Ulti Kar Di Aapne
Whiskiya
Pinewale Baatliyaa Le Jayenge..!

Police Investigation!

Santa was caught by police.

Police: How did you kill 20 people?

Santa: Main gaadi tez chala raha tha par jab maine brake lagaya, toh pata laga ki brake fail ho gaya hain.

Phir main ne samne dekha toh ek taraf 2 aadmi ja rahe the aur dusri taraf 1 barat ja rahi thi. Ab aap hi batao main gaadi kidhar modta?

Police: Of course, jis taraf 2 admi the. Nuksaan kam hota.

Santa: Exactly. Maine bhi yahi socha tha par woh 2 aadmi meri gaadi dekh kar barat me ghus gaye..!!!

Anything for Friends!

Bhagwan ne mujhse kaha ki Tu apna 1 pyara dost chhod de main tujhe Smartphone dunga...

2 ko chhod de toh Rolex ghadi dunga...

5 ko chhod de toh 50 lakh cash dunga...

Aur Sabhi doston ko chhod de toh Ferrari dunga...

Maine Bhagwan ko dekha aur kaha,

Hey Bhagwan..
Yeh dost wo hain jinhone meri har khushi, har gam mein saath diya...

Mere bachpan se lekar aaj tak mere saath rahe...

Kabhi main roya to apne hathon se mere ansoo pochhe...

Ek glass pani bhi piya to bhi mere saath share kiya...

Meri ek awaz par daude chale aaye...

Aur aap kehte ho ki mein ek "FERRARI" ke liye inhe chhod dun..???

KHAIR, Koi baat nahi...

Lekin "FERRARI" Red color ki hi dena....!!

Maa Kya Hoti Hai?

Ek khoobsurat rishte ka naam hai Maa.

Yeh Maa hi hai jo apne bachchon ko subah uthaati aur kehti hai...

Uth jao kanjron, 10 baj rahe hain, kutton ki tarah pade rahte ho, tumahre baap ne naukar nahi rakkhe hain jo tumhein nashta bana kar denge. Zindagi haraam kar rakhi hai kameeno ne. Kaam ke na kaaj ke dushman anaaj ke...

Note: Har "Maa" wale msg emotional nahin hote.
Maa kabhi kabhi frustrated bhi toh ho sakti hai.