Clap Your Hands - Nursery Rhymes - English Animated Rhymes by KidsOne
Saturday 23 November 2013
Friday 22 November 2013
Amazing Court Case
A
young woman who was several months pregnant was sitting in a bus.
When she noticed a young man smiling at her
she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition.
She changed her seat and he seemed more
amused.
She moved again and then on seeing him
laughing more. She filed a court case on him.
In the court the man's deference was:-
When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help
noticing she was
pregnant.
She sat under an advertisement, which
read
"Coming
Soon- The unknown boon"..
I was even more amused when she then sat under
a shaving advertisement, which read:-
"William's stick did the
trick"..
Then I could not control myself any longer,
when on the third move she sat under an advertisement, which read:-
"Dun lop Rubber
would have prevented this
accident"..
The case was dismissed. The judge fell off his
chair laughing.
Classic Students!!!
1. Teacher : Ok class; let us show the principal and our guests how much
we have learnt so far dis year! Let’s do comparisons ....
So if I say small, you say small, smaller, smallest.
[Students nod]
Teacher : Big
Class : “Big, Bigger, Biggest.” ....
Teacher : “clean.”
Class : “clean, cleaner, cleanest.
Teacher : “tall.”
Class : “tall, taller, tallest.
Teacher [smiles] :”very good!!!
Class : “very good, very goodder, very goodest.
Teacher : “oh gosh.”
Class : oh gosh, oh gosher, oh goshest!!!
Teacher : “stop it now”
Class : “stop it now, stop it nower, stop it nowest!!!
Teacher : “oh please.”
Class :”oh please, oh pleaser, oh please-st..
Teacher : “Look at me..!!!
Class : “look at me, look at me-er, look at me-est.
Teacher : “what a disgrace!
Class : “what a disgrace, what a disgracer, what a disgrace-st.
Teacher [furious] : I don die…
Class : I don die, I don dier, I don diest!!!
Teacher faint!
So if I say small, you say small, smaller, smallest.
[Students nod]
Teacher : Big
Class : “Big, Bigger, Biggest.” ....
Teacher : “clean.”
Class : “clean, cleaner, cleanest.
Teacher : “tall.”
Class : “tall, taller, tallest.
Teacher [smiles] :”very good!!!
Class : “very good, very goodder, very goodest.
Teacher : “oh gosh.”
Class : oh gosh, oh gosher, oh goshest!!!
Teacher : “stop it now”
Class : “stop it now, stop it nower, stop it nowest!!!
Teacher : “oh please.”
Class :”oh please, oh pleaser, oh please-st..
Teacher : “Look at me..!!!
Class : “look at me, look at me-er, look at me-est.
Teacher : “what a disgrace!
Class : “what a disgrace, what a disgracer, what a disgrace-st.
Teacher [furious] : I don die…
Class : I don die, I don dier, I don diest!!!
Teacher faint!
Thursday 21 November 2013
Wednesday 20 November 2013
Pull or Push???
whenever you feel sad, just remember that somewhere in this
world there’s an idiot pulling a door that says “PUSH”
world there’s an idiot pulling a door that says “PUSH”
Suggestion Pleaseee !!! LOL
School teacher sent home a note..:..
.
Your son is an obedient & bright student but spends too much time
with girls.
.
.
Mother sent a note back:
.
.
Please advise a solution!
Father has the same problem.
.
Your son is an obedient & bright student but spends too much time
with girls.
.
.
Mother sent a note back:
.
.
Please advise a solution!
Father has the same problem.
IF women ruled this world
If women ruled the world there would be no wars…
It would just be a group of jealous countries, not talking to each other.
Dictionary of WOMENS!!!
Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.
Airhead (er*hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.
Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but, he, "made the dinner."
Blonde jokes (blond joks) n. Jokes that are short so men can understand them.
Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n. Gotta get married in a church.
Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks.
Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.
Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game.
Exercise (ex*er*siz) v. To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.
Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n. What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.
Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n. Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See "Magician."
Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n. Similar to a black hole in space-if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.
Childbirth (child*brth) n. You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say "focus,...breath...push..."
Lipstick (lip*stik) n. On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear...!
Park (park) v./n. Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck." After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.
Patience (pa*shens) n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also "tranquilizers."
Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n. Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.
Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n. A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card
Airhead (er*hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.
Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but, he, "made the dinner."
Blonde jokes (blond joks) n. Jokes that are short so men can understand them.
Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n. Gotta get married in a church.
Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks.
Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.
Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game.
Exercise (ex*er*siz) v. To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.
Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n. What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.
Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n. Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See "Magician."
Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n. Similar to a black hole in space-if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.
Childbirth (child*brth) n. You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say "focus,...breath...push..."
Lipstick (lip*stik) n. On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear...!
Park (park) v./n. Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck." After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.
Patience (pa*shens) n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also "tranquilizers."
Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n. Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.
Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n. A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card
Moth Moth & Moth Joke
How do you make a butterfly?
Flick it out of the butter dish with a knife!
What is a myth?
A female moth!
What insect lives on nothing?
A moth, because it eats holes.
How do stones stop moths eating your clothes?
Because rolling stones gather no moths!
What do insects learn at school?
Mothmatics!
What's the biggest moth in the world?
A mammoth!
Why did the moth nibble a hole in the carpet?
He wanted to see the floor show!
What's pretty, delicate and carries a sub machine gun?
A killer butterfly!
Why was the moth so unpopular?
He kept picking holes in everything!
What do you get if you cross a firefly and a moth?
An insect who can find its way around a dark wardrobe!
Flick it out of the butter dish with a knife!
What is a myth?
A female moth!
What insect lives on nothing?
A moth, because it eats holes.
How do stones stop moths eating your clothes?
Because rolling stones gather no moths!
What do insects learn at school?
Mothmatics!
What's the biggest moth in the world?
A mammoth!
Why did the moth nibble a hole in the carpet?
He wanted to see the floor show!
What's pretty, delicate and carries a sub machine gun?
A killer butterfly!
Why was the moth so unpopular?
He kept picking holes in everything!
What do you get if you cross a firefly and a moth?
An insect who can find its way around a dark wardrobe!
Below Sea Level!! LOL!!!
A high-school student came home from school seeming rather depressed.
"What's the matter, son," asked his mother.
"Aw, gee," said the boy, "It's my grades. They're all wet."
"What do you mean 'all wet?'"
"I mean," he replied, "below C-level."
"What's the matter, son," asked his mother.
"Aw, gee," said the boy, "It's my grades. They're all wet."
"What do you mean 'all wet?'"
"I mean," he replied, "below C-level."
Insulting One liner collection
If you were orphaned when you were a child, I feel sorry for you, but not for your parents.
If you don't want to give people a bad name, you will have your children illegitimately.
Is your name Laryngitis? You're a pain in the neck.
Is your name Dan Druff? You get into people's hair.
I hear you pick your friends -- to pieces!!
I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.
They say that two heads are better than one. In your case, one would have been better than none.
You should toss out more of your funny remarks; that's all they're good for.
People can't say that you have absolutely nothing! After all, you have inferiority!
You must have a low opinion of people if you think they're your equals.
I wish you were all here. I don't like to think there is more!
If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder; it would be genocide!
If you don't want to give people a bad name, you will have your children illegitimately.
Is your name Laryngitis? You're a pain in the neck.
Is your name Dan Druff? You get into people's hair.
I hear you pick your friends -- to pieces!!
I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.
They say that two heads are better than one. In your case, one would have been better than none.
You should toss out more of your funny remarks; that's all they're good for.
People can't say that you have absolutely nothing! After all, you have inferiority!
You must have a low opinion of people if you think they're your equals.
I wish you were all here. I don't like to think there is more!
If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder; it would be genocide!
Monday 18 November 2013
Good to be American
Top Eleven reasosn why it's great to be American
1.You can have a woman president without electing her
2.You can spell colour wrong and get away with it
3.You can call Budweiser beer
4.You can be a crook and still be president
5.If you've got enough money you can get elected to do anything
6.If you can breathe you can get a gun
7.You can invent a new public holiday every year
8.You can play golf in the most hideous clothes ever made and nobody seems to care.
9.You get to call everyone you've never met "buddy"
10.You can think you're the greatest nation on earth.
11.You can get a pizza within minutes of ordering.
Sunday 17 November 2013
English Language
The English Language
Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English Language?
Let's face it
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.
We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught.
If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!
English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all)
That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this observation,
It ends. The English Language
Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English Language?
Let's face it
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.
We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught.
If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!
English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all)
That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this observation,
It ends.
Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English Language?
Let's face it
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.
We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught.
If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!
English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all)
That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this observation,
It ends. The English Language
Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English Language?
Let's face it
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.
We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught.
If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!
English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all)
That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this observation,
It ends.
Emotional extremes
The aspiring psychiatrists were attending their first class on emotional extremes. "Just to establish some parameters," said the professor to the student from Arkansas, "What is the opposite of joy?"
"Sadness," said the student.
And the opposite of depression?" he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma.
"Elation," said she.
"And you sir," he said to the young man from Texas, "how about the opposite of woe?"
The Texan replied, "Sir, I believe that would be giddy-up."
"Sadness," said the student.
And the opposite of depression?" he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma.
"Elation," said she.
"And you sir," he said to the young man from Texas, "how about the opposite of woe?"
The Texan replied, "Sir, I believe that would be giddy-up."
Silly Kids Joke 4
What do golfers use in China?
China tees!
What kind of hair do oceans have?
Wavy!
Why did the child study in the aeroplane?
He wanted a higher education!
In the park this morning I was surrounded by Lions!
Lions, in the Park?
Well, dandelions!
What do you mean by telling everyone that I'm an idiot?
I'm sorry, I didn't know it was supposed to be a secret!
Why are goldfish red?
The water turns them rusty!
What is the best hand to write with?
Neither - it's best to write with a pen!
China tees!
What kind of hair do oceans have?
Wavy!
Why did the child study in the aeroplane?
He wanted a higher education!
In the park this morning I was surrounded by Lions!
Lions, in the Park?
Well, dandelions!
What do you mean by telling everyone that I'm an idiot?
I'm sorry, I didn't know it was supposed to be a secret!
Why are goldfish red?
The water turns them rusty!
What is the best hand to write with?
Neither - it's best to write with a pen!
Silly Kids Joke 3
What do Scotsmen eat?
Tart'n'pie!
What is heavier, a full moon or a half moon?
The full moon because it's lighter!
What town in England makes terrible sandwiches?
Oldham!
What would you call theft in Peking?
A Chinese takeaway!
What animals are on legal documents?
Seals!
What did you get for christmas?
A mouthorgan, its the best present I've ever had.
Why?
My mum gives me extra pocket money every week not to play it!
Where do tadpoles change?
In a croakroom!
Tart'n'pie!
What is heavier, a full moon or a half moon?
The full moon because it's lighter!
What town in England makes terrible sandwiches?
Oldham!
What would you call theft in Peking?
A Chinese takeaway!
What animals are on legal documents?
Seals!
What did you get for christmas?
A mouthorgan, its the best present I've ever had.
Why?
My mum gives me extra pocket money every week not to play it!
Where do tadpoles change?
In a croakroom!
Silly Kids Joke 2
How many balls of string would it take to reach the moon?
Just one if it's long enough!
What cheese is made backwards?
Edam?
This match won't light!
That's funny, it did this morning!
What do elves do after school?
Gnomework!
If Ireland sank into the sea, what county wouldn't sink?
Cork!
How do we know that the Earth won't come to an end?
Because it's round!
How did your mum know you hadn't washed your face?
I forgot to wet the soap!
Silly Kids Joke 1
What are prehistoric monsters called when they sleep?
A dinosnore!
What is the fruitiest lesson?
History, because it's full of dates!
What language do they speak in Cuba?
Cubic!
Why did the stupid racing driver make ten pitstops during the race?
He was asking for directions!
How do you keep an imbecile happy all his life?
Tell him a joke when he's a baby!
What illness did everyone on the Enterprise catch?
Chicken Spocks!
What is a myth?
A female moth!
A man was lost on an island
A man was lost on an island.
He cut a tree and decided to make a boat.
Suddenly..
He saw a girl and He used the tree for making bed.
Moral: A HOLE CAN CHANGE YOUR GOAL...
He cut a tree and decided to make a boat.
Suddenly..
He saw a girl and He used the tree for making bed.
Moral: A HOLE CAN CHANGE YOUR GOAL...
Benefits of Masturbation
Benefits of Masturbation?
1. Choice of ?girl is yours..
2. Time ?? ki bachat
3. ?Self service
4. Not a crime?
5. Rest to girlfriend ?
6. No risk of AIDS?
7. No special ?place required
8. No money ?wastage
9. Easy to ?perform
10. Guaranteed satisfaction?
11. No abortion ?
12. Condom not required?
13. Not ?necessary to remove whole underwear
14. Stress ??easily removed
15. Doesn't matter how long your ??penis is
16. Swapndosh ?se mukti
17. Koi darr ?nahi, pakde jane pe saaman ko easily chhupa ??sakte hain
18. One can do as many time as he wants ??
19. No need of special training, ?its so simple
20. Position ?is of your choice.
1. Choice of ?girl is yours..
2. Time ?? ki bachat
3. ?Self service
4. Not a crime?
5. Rest to girlfriend ?
6. No risk of AIDS?
7. No special ?place required
8. No money ?wastage
9. Easy to ?perform
10. Guaranteed satisfaction?
11. No abortion ?
12. Condom not required?
13. Not ?necessary to remove whole underwear
14. Stress ??easily removed
15. Doesn't matter how long your ??penis is
16. Swapndosh ?se mukti
17. Koi darr ?nahi, pakde jane pe saaman ko easily chhupa ??sakte hain
18. One can do as many time as he wants ??
19. No need of special training, ?its so simple
20. Position ?is of your choice.
With the high court ruling that Gay Sex is legal
With the high court ruling that "Gay Sex" is legal...
Please note that "GAAND MAAR DOONGA" is not a Gaali now...
Its a expression of Love!
Please note that "GAAND MAAR DOONGA" is not a Gaali now...
Its a expression of Love!
1 Nangi ladki 20 Floor se giri
1 Nangi ladki 20 Floor se giri.
18 floor par 1 aadmi ne catch kiya, bola Chusegi ???
Ladki shareef thi, manaa kar diya.
Aadmi ne usska hath chodd diya,
Iss barr 16 floor pe 1 aadmi ne catch kiya And bola Chudegi ?
Ladki : No.
Usne bhi uska hath chodd diya
Ladki girne lagi, Gaand fati maut ke darr se, socha kash unki baat man leti.
12 floor pe 1 aadmi ne phir catch kiya.
Ladki - Mein Chusungi bhi Chudungi bhi.
Iss baar aadmi Shareef nikla Aadmi - Chal randi saali , Jaa, marr...
18 floor par 1 aadmi ne catch kiya, bola Chusegi ???
Ladki shareef thi, manaa kar diya.
Aadmi ne usska hath chodd diya,
Iss barr 16 floor pe 1 aadmi ne catch kiya And bola Chudegi ?
Ladki : No.
Usne bhi uska hath chodd diya
Ladki girne lagi, Gaand fati maut ke darr se, socha kash unki baat man leti.
12 floor pe 1 aadmi ne phir catch kiya.
Ladki - Mein Chusungi bhi Chudungi bhi.
Iss baar aadmi Shareef nikla Aadmi - Chal randi saali , Jaa, marr...
Ek chorni pakdi gayi
Ek chorni pakdi gayi
Constable:apki statement leni hai andar chalo n fucked her.
Head constable aur ASI ne bhi yehi kiya.
Sham ko ladki ko megistrate Ke pass le jaya gaya.
Magistrate-tumhari statement leni hai, kuch kehna chaahogi?
Chorni- sir aaj to STATEMENT sooj gayi hai, kal le lena..
?????????
Constable:apki statement leni hai andar chalo n fucked her.
Head constable aur ASI ne bhi yehi kiya.
Sham ko ladki ko megistrate Ke pass le jaya gaya.
Magistrate-tumhari statement leni hai, kuch kehna chaahogi?
Chorni- sir aaj to STATEMENT sooj gayi hai, kal le lena..
?????????
Biwi Ho Toh Aisi!
Wife: Jaanu! Aaj tumhari girlfriend night stay karne aa rahi hai ! Maine fridge mein beers and fresh fruit salad bana ke rakha hai.
Room freshner side table par hai. Dotted condoms bed ke neeche hain.
Nahane ka soap, lime fragrance waala, aur new towel bhi nikaal ke rakh diya hai hai.
Main bachchon ko leker mummy ji ke yahan jaa rahi hoon, kal shaam tak aa jaungi. Program mein koi change ho toh inform kar dena, mein wahin aur ruk jaungi...!
Isko kahte hain - "Mungerilal ke haseen sapne...!!"
Room freshner side table par hai. Dotted condoms bed ke neeche hain.
Nahane ka soap, lime fragrance waala, aur new towel bhi nikaal ke rakh diya hai hai.
Main bachchon ko leker mummy ji ke yahan jaa rahi hoon, kal shaam tak aa jaungi. Program mein koi change ho toh inform kar dena, mein wahin aur ruk jaungi...!
Isko kahte hain - "Mungerilal ke haseen sapne...!!"
FedEx
I love my FedEx guy cause he’s a drug dealer and he doesn’t even know it — and he’s always on time.
Duck's Opinion
I find a duck’s opinion of me is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread.
Tennis
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I’ll never be as good as a wall.
Boyfriend & Girlfriend
Boy to Girlfriend:
Meri us jagah hath lago jahan haddi na ho.
Ladki haste hue: Chal fir nikaal bahar,
Pakdu??
Teri Zubaan Ko.
Santa & Banta
Santa ne blade se apni girlrfrd ka naam hath par likha.
5 min baad jor jor se rone laga.
Banta: kyu rote ho.?
Santa: bhench*d LADO ki jagah LODA likh liya.
5 min baad jor jor se rone laga.
Banta: kyu rote ho.?
Santa: bhench*d LADO ki jagah LODA likh liya.
EGYPTIAN girl & INDIAN boy
An EGYPTIAN girl asked an INDIAN boy:
What can u do for me?
The boy replied:
come behind the PYRAMID.
I will make u MUMMY.
Exam, Sex & Girls
EXAM Aur SEX ke baad ladkiyan kaisa mehsoos karti hai!
1. Kitna LAMBA tha,
2. Kash thoda TIME aur mil jata,
3. Pehle DARR lag raha tha, par kitna EASY gaya.
1. Kitna LAMBA tha,
2. Kash thoda TIME aur mil jata,
3. Pehle DARR lag raha tha, par kitna EASY gaya.
Santa Banta
Santa court mein judge se:
Aaj tak meri itni insult nahi hui,
meri nai padson ne mujhe nahate hue dekh lia he!
Judge: to tum kya chahte ho?
Santa: Badla.
LOVE
Teacher: What is love….???
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Student:
‘L’ ko hath me lekar
‘O’ ko dabate hue
‘V’ me dalte waqt jo
‘E’ ki aawaz nikalti hai
use hi LOVE kahte hai..!!
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Student:
‘L’ ko hath me lekar
‘O’ ko dabate hue
‘V’ me dalte waqt jo
‘E’ ki aawaz nikalti hai
use hi LOVE kahte hai..!!
Shaadi
Kahte hain..
Shaadi ki gaantth to aasman mein hi bandh jati hai..
Insan to sirf petikot salwar bra ki
gaantthe kholne ke liye hi zamin par bheja ja
Mam & Golu
Mam: Agar me teri maa ban jauto tuje 2 din me sudhar du!
Golu: madam me abhi jake
apne bapu ko btata hu ki..
bapu teri lotery lgne wali hai
Golu: madam me abhi jake
apne bapu ko btata hu ki..
bapu teri lotery lgne wali hai
Diploma
Nani (to a kid): Soja DIPLOMA soja!
Padosan: diploma kyo bulati ho isse?
Nani: Meri ladki College DIPLOMA lene gayi thi,
ye leke aa gayi..!!
Padosan: diploma kyo bulati ho isse?
Nani: Meri ladki College DIPLOMA lene gayi thi,
ye leke aa gayi..!!
Ek Ladka aur ek Ladki ki shaadi hui
Ek Ladka aur ek Ladki ki shaadi hui..
Aap yakeen nahi karoge ke doosrey din hi
Unka Bachaa hua
khana kharab ho gaya..
Fridge me nahi rakha tha na !
I Love you!
Aurton ke Ek Group se poocha gaya ki kon kon apne SHOHRON se pyar karti hain?
Sab Ne Hath khare kardiye...
In sab ko ek-ek msg dia giya k apne apne SHOHRON ko send karen...
"I LOVE YOU "
To Inke shohron ke jawab kuch youn aaye...
1: Tumhari tabiyat theek hai na?
2: Ab kya ho gaya ? phir se car maar di.
3: Excuse me!
4: Sirf itna batao ki kitne paise chahiye?
5: Nasha to nahi kar lia?
6: Ab kya kardia tumne? main is baar maaf nahi karoonga.
Aur Sab Se acha jawab ye tha.
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7: Kaun hain aap?
Sab Ne Hath khare kardiye...
In sab ko ek-ek msg dia giya k apne apne SHOHRON ko send karen...
"I LOVE YOU "
To Inke shohron ke jawab kuch youn aaye...
1: Tumhari tabiyat theek hai na?
2: Ab kya ho gaya ? phir se car maar di.
3: Excuse me!
4: Sirf itna batao ki kitne paise chahiye?
5: Nasha to nahi kar lia?
6: Ab kya kardia tumne? main is baar maaf nahi karoonga.
Aur Sab Se acha jawab ye tha.
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7: Kaun hain aap?
Malik Aur Murghiyan
'Agar tum sab ne 2-2 ande nahi diye to tum sub ko kaat dunga...'
Agli subah sab ne 2-2 ande diye, magar 1 ne 1 anda diya...
Malik: Tum ne 1 anda kyun diya.
Usne kaha,"abe kaminey..... woh toh katne ke darr se de diya...... warna main toh Murga hun !!
Agli subah sab ne 2-2 ande diye, magar 1 ne 1 anda diya...
Malik: Tum ne 1 anda kyun diya.
Usne kaha,"abe kaminey..... woh toh katne ke darr se de diya...... warna main toh Murga hun !!
How to Stop Telemarketing Calls...
I called at Vodafone Customer Care, a girl picked up the phone.
Girl: Vodafone care mein aapka swaagat hai.
Me: Thank you.
Girl: Mein aapki kya sahaayta kar sakti hun??
Me: Kya aap shaadi karna chahti hain mujhse??
Girl: Jee aapne galat number laga diya hai.
Me: Nahin nahin, maine sahi number lagaya hai, aap shaadi karengi?
Girl: Jee mein shaadi main interested nahin hun.
Me: Arre madam sun toh lijiye ek baar.
Girl: Not interested.
Me: Love marriage karengi toh honeymoon Switzerland mein, arrange marriage karengi toh Paris mein.
Girl: Jee mein aapse shaadi karna hee nahinchahti toh aap offer kyun de rahe hain??
Me: Court marriage ka expense 10,000 Rs, normal wedding ka expense 2,00,000 Rs.
Girl: Aapko samajh nahin aata ki mujhe shaadi nahin karni phir bhi aap samajhte nahin.
Me: Ab pata chala madam aapko humara dard, jab hume aapke offers mein interest nahin hota phir bhi aap humaari naak mein ungli karne baar baar call karti rehti hain.
Girl shocked, I rocked....
Girl: Vodafone care mein aapka swaagat hai.
Me: Thank you.
Girl: Mein aapki kya sahaayta kar sakti hun??
Me: Kya aap shaadi karna chahti hain mujhse??
Girl: Jee aapne galat number laga diya hai.
Me: Nahin nahin, maine sahi number lagaya hai, aap shaadi karengi?
Girl: Jee mein shaadi main interested nahin hun.
Me: Arre madam sun toh lijiye ek baar.
Girl: Not interested.
Me: Love marriage karengi toh honeymoon Switzerland mein, arrange marriage karengi toh Paris mein.
Girl: Jee mein aapse shaadi karna hee nahinchahti toh aap offer kyun de rahe hain??
Me: Court marriage ka expense 10,000 Rs, normal wedding ka expense 2,00,000 Rs.
Girl: Aapko samajh nahin aata ki mujhe shaadi nahin karni phir bhi aap samajhte nahin.
Me: Ab pata chala madam aapko humara dard, jab hume aapke offers mein interest nahin hota phir bhi aap humaari naak mein ungli karne baar baar call karti rehti hain.
Girl shocked, I rocked....
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